The boss of a small company called a spontaneous meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the employer, who understood...
I will not flush the toilet while my human is in the shower. I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my humans watch a horror...
Dung On Mai Shu - I stepped in excrement Ai Wan Tu Bang Yu - Let's sleep together Ai Bang Mai Ne - I bumped into the coffee table Fat Ho - An unattractive...
This is pretty neat how it works out. DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST. It takes less than a minute… Work this out as you read. Be sure you don't read the...
1. Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted and simplistic world-view. 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll...
Lets face it, English is a stupid language. There is no egg in the eggplant. No ham in the hamburger. And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English...
The Ghost Shit The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl. The Clean Shit The kind where you feel...
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realised that he would need his...
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho....
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table....
A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point told him that he would now need to choose and enter a...
1.) If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? 2.) If a deaf person swears in sign...
Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan Pinkerton - for protection. That was the beginning of the...
A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customers personality on what drinks they ordered. Although...
"My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by O.J. Simpson "To All The Men I've Loved Before" by Ellen DeGeneres "The Book of Virtues" by Bill Clinton The Difference...
This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, "I'll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you...
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at...
You consider McDonald's "real food". You actually like doing laundry at home. 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends. It starts getting late on the weeknights....
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A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband...
Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't do it anymore. Driving a car doesn't always sound like fun. The average 10 year-old doesn't have a clue who...
1. Wear a top hat. 2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!" 3. Go, "Oooooh…" whenever anyone kisses. 4. Clap when the good guy gets killed. 5....
EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss, if he has to or not. NOSEY: Looks into urinal to see how...
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LAW OF CAT INERTIA - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying...
Caught Sleeping at your Desk? Say… 1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 2. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the...
When someone says: "You don’t know Jack Schitt!" Now you’ll know the entire story... Jack Schitt was the only son of Owe Schitt and Awe Schitt. Owe Schitt,...
Hello, and thank you for calling the Mental Health Institute If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you have multiple personalities, press 2,...
These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes included. -My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please...
